The sky is falling down!!!!

Ooops i probably had my worst new year this year.Tcs came for campus placement to our college this year on 2nd and 3rd jan.I dreamt about bagging a job in this company for a long time but all my dreams crashed.Although i overcame the first hurdle i.e. clearing the written test the interview totally screwed me.I cant explain my feelings when i found my name was not in the list.My whole world seemed to be blank.I had a void feeling.The shock was so much i couldnt even cry.However my woes didnt end there.Next day the jmet results were out and i missed the iit cut off for 2 marks.I probably never felt so low on confidence in my life.The message in the message board of my room was-"BORN TO BE FAILURE" probably this few words totally depict my dejected feelings. Life lost its meaning to me and i was just going through motions.My friends tried to cheer me up but its my one of  my sweet friend  who finally lit up my mind.The friend  said something which i will always remember.-- "I choose you as my friend not because you are good in studies,not because of your funny antics.I like you because i know within this guy with an ever smiling face there is a person who effuses warmth in his every words,whose eyes lit up just by seeing others happy,who can drive away the gloom in anyones mind within a few minutes.I know you have a golden heart and i know success or failure wont change that.Anything else dont matter to me.So just stop being so miserable and be normal again" These words really touched me and i had decided to try to work more harder to use any opportunity i get.I might have lost the skirmish but i will ty to win the battle.God plss shower your blesings on me because without luck all my efoorts would be fruitless. "i want some sunshine i want some rain i want a chance i want to grow up once again"

One of the most important(?) 135 minutes of my life......

"what will happen if i am not able to get the best out of those 135 mins?"Where will i hide if those 135 mins dont yield the output i wish?"
These r the questions clouding my mind for the last few days.
Here i am again in this rat race in search of my destination.When i got into my college which is among the top 5 engineering clg in W.B. i thought may this be the end of my struggle.But soon the bubble bursted.The engineering subjects didnt inspire me and i felt as a fish out of water.
Finally after much mental battle i decided to sit for Cat 2009 :the problem to all my solutions and the solution to all my problems.for the last few months this meant everything to me.My scores in the mocks have been like a roller coaster ride.Sometimes they are poor again in the very next test they reach great heights.So i am greatly tensed and and the news about the goof ups that is happening due to the online test make me more jittery.I am getting a feeling that may be all my dreams will be crushed as usual but still i will try to chase them..
My favourite words..
"The world isnt all sunshine and rainbow.Its a mean and nasty place...............If you know what you are worth go out and get what you r worth.You must be ready to take the hit and not pointing fingers saying you arent where you r becas of him or her or anybody.Cowards do that and that aint you.You are better than that."-ROCKY BALBOA

I finally have the answers to all the questions..
Those minutes can decide my next step in life and i will try to give my best for those few minutes."

I want to run away....

Today i went to see my brother who studies at narendrapur.Its the best school in WEst bengal but its residential.Going there make me nostalgic.The memory of those days when i first went there as a 10 year kid flashes in my mind.Life then was so wonderful just laugh and play.With my "rosy cheeks,dimple chin" and sweet smile there were not many whose hearts i couldnt win.Life was so different and nice.

• The only movie star I care about was then not Srk or any other khan but Tom and jerry ,mickeymouse ,goofy,superman..
• The football team i used to shout for was not Arsenal or ManU but my section football team...
• It was not a big deal to have more than one best friend and that best friend also use to change often.
  
• Parents use to seem as angels when toys and candies use to pop out from their pockets
• The bravest thing which one imagine to think about is to walk into a dark room alone and ghosts seemed to be the only enemy of human
• the most shameful thing to me then was to loose to my friends in badminton match.
• friend were just not the guys to "hang "out with but those who always used to put out their helping hand whenever i was in a tight corner.
• exams were nothing more other than hurdles to go to new class

But now life has become so complex.I would be lying if i say growing up have no advantages.I can now watch whatever movie i like.Parents dont censure about what programmes to watch on T.v.
Mother doesnt enquire about whom i am talking on phone.In a word i have got more freedom.But with that have come more responsibilities and worries.One always have to pretend to be "cool" one need to be careful so that huge ego of others are not hurt.Life actually seems to have lost that "free-spirit of childhood"
AND now as i am in the final year of my engineering college the most important thing that is bugging me is thoughts about my career.Failure now just doesnt mean that one is not able to go to next class but failure here means that ones whole life becomes failure.i have got a taste of how bad is that feeling of that failure last wednesday when during the campuss placement of Vedanta.It was the first time i felt the need of a shoulder to cry upon,its the first time such a hollow feeling gripped me its the first time i felt so alone.And now i have more difficult hurdles before me.The entrance xams for MBA and then probably the campussplacement of tcs.I have dreamt about these for a long time but i have seen god almost always crush my dreams.I am feeling very jittery and i dont want to taste failure again....I just want to RUN AWAYand again return to those innocent days of childhood....
"Wish i could be always that way
As a little baby and keep my worries away"

my freaking mind.....

This post is about some of my confessions which i decide to do...So here it goes few of my dirty secrets.... 1)I always wear a smile on my face.Even when i am upset or angry the smile doesn't vanish.Rather even when i am in some awkward situation i giggle sheepishly. 2)I cant turn down any request usually.So i am often left with doing things which i don't like.So beware i may grant ur request due to courtesy but in my mind i may be cursing u... 3)I am not a guy to share my feelings with others.I mostly keep my feelings to myself. 4)Many of my friends think that i am bit casual and generally doesnt get upset.But truth is i am very sensitive.I cant ignore any harshness in the behavior of those close to me.I contemplate over those and often get upset. 5)I have a soft corner in my heart for dove eyed tall girls. 6)Many of my friends think i like movies with violence very much.But the truth is i always prefer a love aaj kal or jane tu ya.... rather than movies like saw or hostel. 7)I may come across who doesnt take tensions.But the fact is 2 words result and xam jst make my mind numb. 8)Choclates and ice cream r the best food to me and chilled beer is the best drink. 9)I am laid back but ambitious(paradox )

... iye dooriyan.... in rahoon ki dooriyan nigahon ki dooriya hum rahon ki dooriyan fannah ho sabhi dooriyan... This song is jst buzzing in my head now.Anyway its one hour past midnight.so bye gd nit.

am i normal????

Wow!! its about 10 past one.I hope everybody is having sweet dreams except nerds like me..Dont get me wrong i am not mugging for any xam or chasing my creative pursuits..jst staying awake..Nerds like me do everything for nothing..I am jst looking outside through my window...and hearing the platter of rain...Well its rainy season the" season for poets"...Through my child hood i read numerous poems on rainy season..Besides to many rainy season the nights r xtra special..Some say it gives them a wonderful errie feeling,some say the r spellbound by the mysterious beauty...some say their mind jst goes flying..Bt at present my mind is jst blank.. Well one can enjoy a rainy day..By seeing the beautiful rainbow some "ahh" and "wow" come out from my mouth also..Besides i also njoy wading through the waterlogged streets of kolkata...Bt a rainy night i dont know i dont find anything special...Even on any normal night u can spend some time by watching the twinkling stars bt clouds on a rainy night even deprive one from that pleasure...I am trying my best to find out some speciality in it bt my imagination refuse to strech..... .

I AM HAVING MORE DOUBTS...... "AM I REALLY ABNORMAL??????"

my interview....

well i am jst jealous of those guys whose interviews r published in paper....i am not lucky..to give one...So finally i myself decided to take one interview of me....here it goes. 1)MY FIRST BEST FRIEND-: well it is one guy who used to study wid me at kindergarden..bt i cant remeber his name...and unfortunately i dont even remember his face also....jst some sweet memory... 2)MY FIRST CRUSH-:well first crush occured rather late...it was on a girl called Queeny..however the last time i saw her was during 2006.as far as i know she is studying microbiology in bangalore...i dont have any more current information on her... 3)WANT TO GET BETWEEN THE SHEETS WITH-well who other than genelia d souza...I am mad with her... 4)THE LAST TIME I CRIED IN PUBLIC-:well it was during march;2009..in train while going to kalyani...thankfully the train was empty..and i hope nobody noticed me... 5)DO I LIKE PETS?-:I like dogs in fact specifically spaniel... 6)THE LAST TIME I CRIED TO SLEEP-:well probaly last day at school hostel 7)FROM MY PAST RELATION I LEARNT-:make best use of the house when its empty....ha ha actuallythis question is out of my syllabus!!!!! 8)MY GRAVEST SIN-:well it was in 2003..when i abused a blind of whom i was a writer..and i given got away widout any punishment...i am really sry abt it..and i know whatever good deed i do i will never be forgiven... 9)MY BEST DEED-:when i used to distribut clothes wid some of my frnds near npur..in 2003... 10)MY 15 MINS OF FAME-:well it was when i got the chance to got the chance..to go on stage at the audutorium of iit kharagpur.... ..well now time up..bye bye....

jai ho......

people call this song as an inspiration for the underdogs...well this is really a season of underdogs..pakistan winning wcup,roger winning french open.deccan winning ipl...
but not these facts the events that make me think this season is for the underdogs is 2 events which happened close ....
Well the first is one girl(Diya) from my neighbour hood cracked IIT.well that same grl in the previous year got around 10000 rank in wb.jt. u can understand that the result is too pathetic when u learn that a stupid like mee got a rank around 1900.bt that same grl is now going to IIt...

nxt event is about one of my friend(k).i studied wid him from nursey 2 till class 10..and probably in not a single xam he scored more than me..bt that guy is now going to do mstat in ISI, another institute abot which i cant even dream...to sneak in.
really salutes to them for what they achieved...bt beside their own skill they also njoyed their slice of luck.
so i too pray too god to conjure up some magic...so my name too shines in this list of underdogs...

summer of 2009

well its really hot now..dont know when i will get to sing
" barsho re megha megha......"the song from guru.
anyway i have not posted for a lomg time..actually was busy with xams....getting hitten by thunderbolts at xams is nothing new....but the effort from my part was to keep the damage as less as possible....but this time my efforts(?) proved fruitless.really drew a blank and placing all my hopes on god to pull me through....
apart from this nothing spectacular happened.....my life has come to a standstill..need to make things happen rather than waiting for things to happen by themselves...but dont know the way..is a bit confused..well playing age of mythology is taking most of my time..really strategy game really fascinate me....
i am also waiting for new york to release..forgot the time when i last watched a hindi movie at cinema hall...
so bye folks no more....